Is it time for accepting same-sex marriage in Vietnam?
A research on male homosexuality in Vietnam released in July 2011, by the STDs/HIV/AIDS Prevention Center, which releases a lot of interesting information about gays in Vietnam.
According to the survey, many women were shocked to discover that their husbands are gays after a long time living together.
Ha, 25, in Hai Ba Trung district, Hanoi got married at the age of 25. One year later, she had a son. The family life was very smooth until she found out that her husband is a gay.
This man had no sexual desire with his wife while he watched porno films for gays and masturbated, even when he lied besides his wife.
The couple’s relationship got worse. One day, after a violent quarrel, the husband confessed that he is a gay.
“He said he knew himself as a gay when he was 22 years old but he hid himself because being afraid of discrimination. He married me because his parents wanted to have someone to maintain the continuity of family line,” Ha said in tears.
The man confessed with his wife because he wanted to live with his nature, with one person – his wife.
While Ha’s husband confessed himself as a gay, many women had to spy to confirm their husbands being gays.
Phuong Anh, 36, from Dong Da District, Hanoi doubted that her husband was committing adultery with somebody because the man did not have sex with his wife for a very long time. The man often sent text messages to someone at night.
One night, when her husband slept well, Phuong Anh checked his cell phone and saw one message with passionate words, but it was very strange that the message sender called her husband “em” (used for women).
Phuong Anh called the strange number and heard a male voice who asked “It’s me. Don’t you sleep yet, my sweetheart?”
“From that moment, I knew my husband is a gay,” Phuong Anh said.
It is an obsession for women who know their husbands are gays. Most of them want to divorce but it is only easy for newly-married couples who do not have babies yet.
According to the research, most gays do not want to reveal their secret to avoid social discrimination. They still get married and have children. Their secret is mainly detected by their relatives.
A 34-year-old gay in Hanoi said: “I knew I’m a gay at the age of 22. My family knew that secret but they forced me to get married. I could still have sex with my wife and we had babies. But my wife is the first and will be the last woman in my life. I do not have sex with my wife often. I have to seek other gays to satisfy my instinct.”
It is a tragedy for gays whose families force them to get married. A 30-year-old gay in Hanoi said he could not change his nature.
“I’ve tried with girls several times but I failed. My father is nearly 80 years old and I want to get married to assure him. I had a girlfriend but she left me after a month because I could not have sex with have. It is terrified but I do not know how to do,” he said.
According to experts, social discrimination against gays maintains because people lack knowledge about homosexuality. People often think that homosexuality is pathologic and disgusting. Even gays discriminate themselves.
Discrimination of families and community against gays has caused bad effects for gays and community. Many gays have negative reactions like quitting school, leaving their home or even committing suicide.
Many of them leave their home without stable jobs. They do not dare to participate in social activities and even do not dare to go to hospital when they are ill (for come-out gays).